Jordan's Shoes
I grabbed this article from the Daily Mail a couple of years back.. Can't remember who wrote it, and I got it from the online version which didn't have the photographs to back it up. If anyone has the original, feel free to share it :-)
THESE SHOES WEREN'T MADE FOR WALKING
WE TEST JORDAN'S AMAZING FOOTWEAR
JORDAN may have defied the laws of gravity in her 7in heels, but it was a feat I could not repeat when I took them for a road test.
Yesterday, we showed the silicone-enhanced stunner driving her car, sashaying to the cinema and dancing the night away in the bizarre curved sandals.
While I don't boast a 32FF chest, I am one for a challenge.
So after a fruitless shop for the shoes, I called Jordan's agent for help. My luck was in. Underneath the model's ample cleavage, beats a heart of gold and she agreed to lend me her shoes for the day.
Squeezing into the petite size fours, which she'd picked up for £40 on a trip to LA, I didn't dare try to drive a car. Getting in and out of the passenger seat was hard enough.
And even without the weight of her mammoth chest, I found walking downstairs quite terrifying. My body toppled forward and I felt like I was walking on rocking chairs.
While shopping in Covent Garden, a builder was quick to lend some support, "Do you need scaffolding?"
I should have taken up his offer. As I came crashing down inelegantly, I realised that walking at my normal speedy pace was out of the question.
Most men seemed baffled. "They don't look right," was one blunt remark. Big Brother's Penny was more complimentary. "Wow, they're so funky and distinctive, although they're a bit OTT, even for me!"
As the day wore on the phrase "killer heels" was taking on a whole new meaning. My feet were suffering like a prima ballerina's after a season in Swan Lake.
"At all costs glamour" might have got Jordan her fame and fortune but I'll be sticking to my kitten heels in future